Jordin Sparks doesn't approve of two men having a romantic relationship. It's simply not the way she has been raised, not with the Bible quite obviously prohibiting it. She was taught early on to rely on the Bible in finding answers as to what's right and she's stuck by this belief. She could easily quote the verses that let her know she's right in disapproving of this.

Of course, Jordin hasn't met any two men who wanted to have a romantic relationship up until now. She looks over the room in which the contestants are huddled up together, waiting to hear some big news from the production team. There's some tension in the room, but they've all heard enough rumors backstage to know that it's just about the special charity episode planned for later on in the season, so they're not overly nervous about the anticipated announcement.

Sanjaya is resting next to her, his back to the wall and his hair pulled up into a weird, slightly loose pony tail. "Just to get it out of the way," he tells her when she shoots him a look of wonder and amusement. He was the first to tell her. He just said it so directly and in a manner not quite related to anything they were talking about, that her awkwardness about the subject mixed with the awkwardness of the situation.

He had laughed at her confused "oh," baring his toothy smile and the expectation that she would be okay with it.

It was odd, looking at him, she didn't mind as much as she had thought she would. Maybe it's because she couldn't quite picture him with another man, really. Actually, she couldn't picture him with any other person, period. Sure, they were the same age and all, but she was pretty certain she was actually years more mature than Sanjaya. She fondly pulled on his strange pony tail and he squealed, sending her into a small fit of giggles. Yeah, she could certainly live in peace with that whole "hate the sin, but not the sinner" concept she used to explain to herself why she just gave him a big hug at the time, and never mentioned a word about God and what might be right in his eyes.

If there was supposed to be some relief in this whole business with Sanjaya, it was that she knew who the gay contestant of this season was and wouldn't have to deal with this any further. Which was precisely why Blake and Chris were such a shock.

Maybe she should have seen it coming, should have guessed it, at least with regards to Blake. The guy just didn't mind conventionality in any way. It wasn't that he confronted it or braved things out, nope. Blake just didn't seem to respond to its very existence, cruising past it with elegant confidence. At least, when he wasn't doing one of his silly characters, it was elegant.

Admittedly, she liked Blake a lot, and probably would have accepted him on his own, but… but not like this, not when he was involved with Chris.

It was hard to put her finger on the exact moment when they all started realizing that their teasing Blake and Chris about being more than just really good buddies was not as far-fetched as they had thought. The guys never declared the status of their relationship in public, they didn't ask for anyone's permission or advice, their conduct didn't seem to change drastically at any one moment, nothing unusual. It was likely that if it weren't for that one breakfast when Gina had elbowed her in the ribs, not noticing the strength of her own jab – and it was morning too, the one part of the day when Jordin tended to be cranky - she would have remained unaware. While she was busy making a face, Gina obliviously leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I bet they are so sexy when they make out."

"Mmmm?" Jordin asked eloquently and Gina tilted her head a bit to the side, so as to gesture discretely towards Chris and Blake.

Jordin followed the imaginary arrow drawn and sent flying across the room by Gina. She was looking at the two guys she considered her closest friends on the show. Chris was eating fries and Blake was babbling about something. They both looked tired but also content. Here and there, Chris smirked back at something Blake said, and this reaction would stop the verbal flow for just a second. There was some kind of emotion in Blake's eyes that Jordin hadn't noticed before. Recognition floated to the surface, like looking at oneself from the outside. There was admiration in Blake's gaze. The same admiration she's been starting to develop towards Chris, the kind that went beyond mere appreciation. The kind she hadn’t dared to admit to herself before.

She sipped on her coffee, grimacing at its suddenly bitter taste.

She was crushing on a boy, the boy was seemingly unavailable, and the guy he was interested in was, well, a guy. And perhaps worst of all, she felt like she didn't know these supposed friends of hers at all.

She excused herself and went to the bathroom, to try and wash away the bitter taste from her mouth.

The following weeks were difficult for her. She had become uncomfortably aware of just how green Chris' eyes were whenever they talked. She had discovered that she's a wonderful actress and that she didn't appreciate this quality about herself. She learned how close and how distant at the same time you can be with people who you outwardly call friends.

Worst of all, she couldn’t find the courage to talk to anyone about the thoughts that were bothering her. She was left alone with the feeling that she had to say something, to do whatever could be done. She had to take Chris aside and tell him.

Sanjaya was young and still had time, maybe he would find the way to change, Blake, he wouldn't change one bit of who he was, not for anything, nor for anyone in the world. There was no point in debating anything when it came to them, but Chris, he was a different story. Jordin bit her lips every time she tried to reach a decision on this. She should tell him that he was doing something terrible. She should try to reach him through the religious beliefs they both shared. She might point out to him that he would be alienating all of the people who cared about him too much to see him do such a wrongful deed. He would be alienating her, and at this, Jordin was biting her lips again.

"Chris," she would address him in her mind, "we need to talk," and as she was trying to rehearse her speech, the exact passionate words she would use to convince Chris what he was doing was dreadful, the mental image of his eyes looking at her, burrowing deep, would return and the planned intervention kept getting pushed back.

By the time they reached Top 11 night, Chris and Blake being a couple was the loudest unspoken certainty she had ever come across. Gina must have been elbowing a lot of people. Jordin would roll her eyes and keep her thoughts to herself, practicing the song for that week more intensely than any other song she had sung on the show before.

It wasn't until after she stepped off the stage that her words to Ryan echoed and paled in her mind. Was she never in love? Well, no. She wasn't. But this hurt was close enough.

The next night she remembers only as a blur. Chris was nearly voted off, Blake was panicking, her hands were grabbed tighter than she would have imagined a guy smaller than her had it in him. Maybe she doesn't want to remember, not the closeness, belonging even, implied in Blake's right to freak out a little in front of all these people, on stage, on national television, not what she felt when she thought she may have to go on a long summer tour without Chris' company and least of all, she doesn't want to remember her smile, big and fake, covering up everything that she was feeling then and still isn't capable of putting into words.

Jordin looks around the room, her eyes trained already to spot the figures of Blake and Chris. She finds them sitting in a corner. It's hard to focus on them for a minute, because uncharacteristically, Blake is not being the most hyperactive person in the room right now. Haley is teasing Gina, who is having none of it, Phil starts to giggle, and within seconds, it's all very Happy Days or Friends, where everyone's automatically in on it, except for Jordin on one side of the room and the two boys on the other.

Through all the fuss in the room, she can hardly make out what they're doing, but she's watched them for so long, she's probably more apt at filling in the gaps than most people are. Her eyes only slightly squinting, she watches as Chris' jaw is set in a subtle lock, his eyes down cast, letting her know that he was frustrated over some issue, and reluctant to show it. Blake is leaning in and whispering something that gets a nod from Chris in return, without him ever looking up.

She has no idea what's going on, but she wants to go over to their side of the room, wants to ask Chris what's up, to give him advice and make it better. She stays put, as does her gaze. It travels down Chris body, though, when she notices a slight motion. Blake's hand, down Chris' back, in a smooth motion she can make out mostly from the small shifts of fabric she can see. The next change she spots is the expression on Chris' face. His jaw isn't clenched anymore, his lips are hovering around the edge of a smile and his eyes aren't cast down anymore, they're closed. He's leaning into Blake's touch.

For an entire moment, she's frozen, watching Chris relax more and more, as Blake leans closer too. Blake's lips are moving and she thinks that she can recognize the lyrics to a song. She deciphers them and the image of Blake standing in the rain, waiting patiently for Chris, drowns out the noise around her.

She focuses her gaze back on a far wall, a spot where the green paint is cracking. Inwardly, she's asking for Chris and Blake's forgiveness, and promising that she won't fail them again as their friend. Her diary is open by her side and she scribbles a word or two about Virginia and leaving. She looks up at Sanjaya, who is watching her, elbows him fondly and when he sticks his tongue out at her, she smiles widely and without reservation for the first time in weeks.